Thinking About...

These four things

May 25, 2025

Thing One

For my birthday (back in February) I was given some gift cards to a bookstore. I bought three lovely books and when they arrived in the mail, I took delight in noticing that they matched each other. Completely unintentionally, they all fit into an orangey, browny, turquoisey colour scheme. Recently, I bought three more books and added them to the stack. To my surprise, they also matched the colour scheme. What a fun, random thing to have happened!

Thing Two

Recently, I was part of a conversation that was difficult for me. It was difficult because I normally keep my opinions on controversial topics to myself, but this time I somehow revealed an opinion that differed from other people’s. Part of the reason I do not like to share my opinions is because I often don’t feel able to explain them well or like I even have enough knowledge to actually back up my opinion. I was frustrated by this conversation afterwards and felt a sense of shame for having a different opinion. Not because I am ashamed of my opinion, but because there is still something inside me that yearns for the comfort of conformity and believing the same things as the people I respect. (Even though I have been trying to do that since I was fourteen years old and it simply did not ever sit right with my soul.) It was difficult for me to let go of the conversation after it took place. At first I tried to ignore it, but after awhile I decided that this could be an opportunity to practice allowing myself to be curious about what was going on inside me and try to find some peace about this difference of opinion and my humble attempts to share what I thought. After some time went by, I was surprised to realize that there were a number of things that I was able to be grateful for. The conversation caused me to do some googling of statistics and truthfully, what I learned was surprising and heartbreaking. I’m grateful for the knowledge I gained. In thinking through some of my frustrations about the conversation, I realized that I actually did believe a slightly more complex version of what I was saying I believed. Although it was humbling to think about the ways that this unawareness of my own belief hindered my communication, I’m grateful that I could learn that and now have the awareness of that nuance. Thirdly, although it is not fun to disagree with people you respect, I think that there is perhaps value in being willing to share your beliefs in a gentle way with the people who love you. I’m grateful to feel that people who love me may have a more accurate understanding of who I really am. Finally, I realized that despite my frustrations around the conversation itself, I am proud to believe what I believe and I am grateful to be exactly where I am on my journey. I do wish that I was able to express myself better verbally, but perhaps that does not mean becoming a skilled debater. Perhaps it looks like being able to guide a conversation in a gentler way and being able to introduce a tone of genuine curiosity and being able to offer the same grace I wish to receive. One Sunday shortly after this conversation took place, a prayer at a church service really meant a lot to me as I consider being on this journey of holy imagination and sanctified common sense.

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Let Down Your Nets 
by Gerard Kelly
Let down your nets on the other side, Peter
On the other side of your fears
On the other side of doubt
On the other side of your certainties
On the other side of who you think you are
On the other side of staying in the boat
Step out onto the waves towards me

On the other side of panic, reach out your hand
To mine
On the other side of your reputation, Simon
Become Peter, the movable rock
On the other side of haste, of your hot head, of 
Violence
Put away your sword

On the other side of the lake, on the other side of 
Town 
Follow me to the other side of the tracks
Explore the other side of life
Seek the sheep on the other side of the mountain
See the other side of the coin
Find the other side of the father
In the other side of his lost son

On the other side of religion, the other side of law
On the other side of the temple, the other side of 
The wall

On the other side of obedience, the other side of 
Love
On the other side of forgiveness
Hear the seventy-times-seven other sides of the 
Story
Though tears will fall on the other side of the 
Sunrise
You will laugh on the other side of your face

On the other side of this side of Heaven
On the other side of denial
On the other side of loss
On the other side of Pentecost
Let down your nets

I want to always be willing to explore the other side, and to be willing to interact with people who are currently exploring different “other sides” than I am, even if it results in complex feelings.

(Alternatively, I may simply never speak again. Hehe.)

Thing Three

I reread a book that I had read several years ago and it was as gorgeous as I remembered it being. The book is A Place for Us by Fatima Farheen Mirza. It’s about an Indian-American Muslim family. The story is told by different members of the family and covers years of their lives, sharing the joys of their connection and the despair of their struggles. (If you enjoyed the book Gilead by Marilynne Robinson, I think you will especially enjoy the final section of A Place for Us.) Having grown up in Mennonite circles, I found it interesting to read about a culture that is different than my own yet has similar high expectations, high value of tradition, and discomfort when people are unable to fit neatly into a mold. The way this family desires grace and connection touched me deeply as I read. Here’s one quote that is sticking with me…

Thing Four

A recent order of maternity clothing got delivered to me in this extra-long FedEx truck. It just made me chuckle that my clothing for my larger-than-usual stomach was brought to me in a larger-than-usual truck.