Part 2, My Spending Habits: The Way Things Are
I want to acknowledge first of all that my questions come from a place of privilege. It’s important to me that I don’t forget that.
You can read Part One of this series here. Part Three (The Way I Want Things to Be) will be coming soon.
For the past several years, I have consistently felt a low-grade guilt and frustration around spending money. I think these negative feelings really began shortly after Ricky and I got married and the reality of the expenses of life dawned on me.
It was the cost of groceries that really got me, those first few years. I had to buy them every single week, and although I didn’t feel like I was being extravagant in my purchases, I just always had the feeling that I should be able to spend less than this. (2016 Jasmine simply would not be able to process the current price of butter….)
I don’t have memories from those days of wrestling with spending too much money on clothing. We were Mennonite, and therefore, if I wanted a new dress, I pretty much needed to sew it myself rather than purchase it. I was a busy human back in those days, and didn’t have a lot of time to dedicate to sewing. I also was feeling a deep dislike for my own body, and just wanted to hide it away in familiar clothing, rather than trying to find new clothing that suited it. (That’s a different issue than spending money, but I find it Interesting how all the issues have a way of intersecting eventually…) All in all, it was much easier to keep wearing the trusty, time-tested outfits that I’d been wearing since I was eighteen than to sew/purchase new clothes.
Household items/décor/furniture were not really tempting to me in those years either. For one thing, we transitioned our way through a few apartments, and I viewed them as temporary living spaces rather than ones to really decorate and settle into. For another thing, I went through a phase of not enjoying shopping (online or in-person) and it was just easier to… not.
Fast forward to now…
I have come to grips with the cost of food- developed an immunity of sorts to it. But I struggle with feeling confident in regard to my spending in the areas of clothing and household items.
Clothing is the trickiest one for me currently.
You see, we were Mennonite and now… we are not. I have been through a legitimate upheaval of my wardrobe and personal style. Although this has had its fun moments, it has also been disorienting and somewhat expensive. I have not bought an excessive amount of clothing, but it has definitely been an ongoing expense and stress as I slowly experiment with different styles and brands and discover what I like and need.
And household things? Sigh.
Exhibit A: our table.
A humble little kijiji find that we picked up a few weeks before our wedding in 2015, our table has treated us well. It works fine for having a guest or two over, but even with only four people at the table, there isn’t a lot of room left over for platters and bowls of food. When we have more than one or two guests at a time, we pull out our card table and create a delightful, multi-level dining experience. Hehe.
In addition to the table often feeling a little small for our hosting needs, we have used the table for multiple projects, resulting in scratches and marks on it. We have never been very precious about the table, due to always thinking we were on the verge of purchasing a new one.
ALSO, in recent years, the table seems to have developed a permanent, slight stickiness. I suspect it has been refinished a time or two in its life and that it may be time for a refresh. But I’m just not the refinishing type of person.
So technically, the table is fine. It does its job.
But it’s not awesome, you know?
Is this the point where the average person would buy a new table?
I know, I know. The answer to that question depends on so many factors, and no one can tell me what to do. But, like… CAN SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT TO DO???
How do you determine when it’s the right time to upgrade something in your house?
(I suspect that what will happen with the table situation is that it will be resolved naturally… someday, we’ll have children in our home and we will NEED a bigger table. BOOM. Problem solved. I’m not going to think about it anymore until that day comes.)
Here are a few more thoughts about the way my spending habits currently are:
1. I too often compare myself to other people when it comes to spending money, and it leaves me feeling like I just can’t succeed- I’m either too spendy or too stingy. Comparison is rarely a good game to play, but with spending money, it’s an even shiftier beast. How people choose to spend their money is dependent on so many factors, and everyone will have a different philosophy on spending. There is no point in trying to judge my own success or failure as a consumer by comparing myself to other people.
2. A few areas that I don’t spend a lot of money on: I don’t spend a lot of money on books. I prefer to mainly borrow from the library, and mostly own the books that I already know I love. I ask for favourites for Christmas and birthday gifts, and it’s always delightful to receive them. We also try to only pay for one entertainment subscription at a time. We love to watch shows, but find that we don’t need more than one viewing platform at a time. Also, I have a $25 phone plan. It’s basic, but it works for me.
3. Things that I will spend money on guilt-free: eating out/getting coffee with friends, a piece of clothing that I love and know I will use regularly, comfortable and durable footwear, traveling, our YMCA memberships, and fruits and vegetables.
4. I do not buy something if I don’t want it. That sounds a little silly. But if there is any doubt in my mind about whether I like something/will use… that’s an immediate no for me, dawg. I really like that about myself.
5. I rarely make impulse purchases of over $10. When I buy something, the desire for that specific item has usually been stewing away inside me for awhile. HOWEVER, I do get caught up on small items. Like if I’m running into the grocery store for some butter, I just might find myself buying a chocolate bar and box of crackers too, you know? But that might speak to a different weakness.... Hehe.
6. I’m learning that usually, the things that I feel like I really want can tell me something about the broader vision and goals that I have for my life. And many times the item does not contribute to that vision as strongly as I expected it too.
7. I have learned that budgeting is hard for me. As soon as I feel restricted, my temptation to spend sky-rockets. Much frustration is felt. I need to ponder this further.
I think that I have used up more than enough words, at this point.
Ricky tells me that I don’t need to feel guilty about my spending habits, which is great and does help me to feel a little bit better. I think that a major factor that has been contributing to my stress around spending in the past couple years is the fact that I am a full-time student and therefore, I currently contribute very little money to our finances. I expect that some of the stress will ease once I’m working full-time again and feel like I am contributing, rather than just consuming.
Of course, one must also consider that perhaps I, Jasmine Martin, rather enjoy being in the ambiguous space of questions that cannot be answered and therefore will happily spend a good portion of mental energy torturing myself by wandering around in the unsolvable, un-systemizable dilemmas of everyday life.
Do I realize that I’m overthinking this?
Yes.
Will I continue to do it?
Yes, I will.
Anyways, I am off to purchase a candle now. I buy a new one at the beginning of every season, and I am thrilled that it is time to buy a spring candle! No dilly-dallying, no dithering, no regrets on this purchase!
I’m curious about you.
Are you a budgeter?
What are the areas you spend money guilt-free?
What areas do you choose to save money in?
What do you like about your spending habits, and what are some areas where you want to grow?