I’ve enjoyed pulling together all my scattered thoughts about money. (You can read Part One and Part Two, if you haven’t already.) At the same time, it has felt uncomfortable, because it revealed to me how many things I want, even though I literally have every single thing that I need and then some.
I also felt some little guilty feelings about not having this money-spending thing figured out yet. I am almost thirty, after all. However, when I consider Ricky’s and my “financial history,” it makes sense to me that I’m having these questions now. Between the two of us, we’ve spent five of our seven and half years of marriage in college, moved three times, and had several job changes. So I figure that in financial-years, I’m only twenty years old. 😊
I would say that the past seven years have been a little financially tumultuous. Not in the sense that we couldn’t pay bills or could never travel or purchase things that we wanted. I just mean that there have been a lot of changes to our incomes and expenses over the years, and that made it feel like we were in a constant state of flux, rather than settling in to form a strong financial foundation.
I’m now on the cusp of graduation, and we’re about to be in a two-income stage again, where hopefully we will remain for at least a little while.
All that to say that this feels like a significant stage for us.
It has “new beginning” vibes to it, and I want to make sure that I enter this next stage of our financial journey intentionally.
After putting some thought into the kind of consumer I want to be, I chose four words to describe what I’m striving for.
Aware, confident, content, generous.
AWARE
I want to have an awareness of why I am wanting what I want. What do I expect this to add to my life? Is it a realistic expectation?
I want to consider the question of whether the purchase will bring a cost other than just financial with it. Will it require maintenance of any sort? Do I have the space for it? Let us consider the Pillow Situation of 2022. For a long time, we only had one throw pillow in our living room. To me, that one pillow looked a little lonely. After waiting for a few months (as one does), I made the leap and purchased two more throw pillows. Now, it just seems like there are pillows everywhere.
I want to be aware of the cost of our combined expenses. Sometimes it’s tempting for me to view a purchase as an isolated event, but it’s not really. Everything adds up.
I want to be aware of how much money I’m spending. It’s easy for me to make assumptions about the cost of something or just add up the cost sloppily as I shop, only to be surprised at the cash register when I see the total. That could be avoided.
CONFIDENT
I want to learn how to “decide once.” I can purchase intentionally, without guilt. Being thoughtful is good, but overthinking is not. No more of this ruminating and perusing websites. Here are some ways to free myself from the decision-making process that I sometimes put myself through:
Regularly do “no spend” months. We did this in January, and it was mentally freeing for me.
Step away from social media. I am definitely influenced by what I see other people buying/using on the internet.
Talk to Ricky. Does my thought process for this purchase make sense, or am I just convincing myself that it’s okay to buy something that I want to buy?
Ask myself a few questions. What gap will this purchase fill? Am I expecting it to miraculously change something about my appearance/habits/personality? Do I already have something similar? Will the benefits of owning this outweigh any maintenance/space that the item will take? Is it actually a long-term need that would be filled, or is there just a factor in the current week/month that is making me feel like the purchase is a necessity?
I also want to build confidence in my ability to contribute to our money. I want to develop ways to contribute regularly through whatever various life stages are ahead of me, but also find peace with the fact that Ricky will likely always make more money than I do and truly believe that that doesn’t mean I’m “slacking.” We’re a team, and it’s okay for us to contribute in different ways. That said, I think it is important for me to have solid ways of contributing financially, because you just never know what the future holds. This could be a whole topic on its own…
CONTENT
I want to purchase things to fill a specific gap that I see, rather than just from a heart that wants more.
I want to have an understanding of what enough means to me, and the self-control to stop purchasing at that point. There is so much opportunity for overconsumption in this world. For my clothing, “enough” means having what I need to get through about a week and a half without needing to do laundry.
I want to develop habits that support a mindset of gratitude for what I have and who I am- not a mindset of always searching for the next purchase that will improve my life.
GENEROUS
I want to be generous! We truly to do have so much. I want to find ways to consistently give to my local community and also beyond. Something that I want to explore is the concept that generosity sometimes will take sacrifice on my part. Sacrificing something of my own for the good of someone else is honestly not something that I have had to do much of. Financially, it’s easy to share without feeling the burn of sacrifice. I guess that then it’s just called sharing, rather than sacrificing. Sharing is good, but in my comfy life, it probably wouldn’t hurt me to learn a little bit about sacrifice as well.
That’s it! The end of me talking about money. Thanks for listening! :)
As always, if something I shared prompted a thought of your own, I’d love if you shared it in one way or another. I truly enjoy hearing what you have to share!
Do you have words that describe the kind of consumer you want to be? Have those words changed over time?
Does the imbalance between your financial contribution and your partner’s contribution ever feel uncomfortable to you?
You're speaking my language, Jasmine :) I really enjoyed this series and the practical application examples you provided!!
One thing that we started as newlyweds was a sub account that we moved a % of money each paycheque into. This was labelled our 'tithe' account and what I've loved so much about it is the fact that it's separate from our other money and so it feels easy to be generous with that money because, as the habit was formed, that money never felt like my personal money. We've been through a few single income stages in our marriage with university and babies and Dale's accident, but having that money set aside meant we could still support our niece's read-a-thon or donate to a friend's missions trip or send a gift card to someone moving and it didn't feel like a huge sacrifice.